What a lonely Christmas this is going to be. I keep trying to put on a brave face and remain positive, I am determined to make the best out of it and really enjoy my day with Reuben... but it's still just going to be me and Reu. And today, a wave of grief hit.… Continue reading Festive feelings.
I held my son to my chest, and I felt my heart swell with love. It's almost overwhelming sometimes; the way I feel such a pang of deep sadness intertwined into that pure, unconditional love. It's especially strong when I stand at my bedroom window, as the light of the day fades (or has faded)… Continue reading Shadows.
I remember the way I felt this time last year. The way the air felt, the white noise of something mechanical humming at night (I still can't figure out what it is), the way the lights across the city seemed crisper... It all reminds me, like the most wonderfully enchanting memory. There is no doubt… Continue reading This Time Last Year
I love being a mother but I don't love being alone. I love blogging but I don't love that it's about readership no matter how much you convince yourself it's not (it does sting a bit when you put effort in to writing and taking pictures and nobody reads it). I love taking photographs but… Continue reading I Love Being A Mother But…
I don't know if this will be interesting to anyone but todays' post is just going to be about the day itself. A morning shower, whilst Reuben napped, meant that I went from lethargic-mother-in-nightie to feeling energised and motivated. I tried this new, beautiful Dove shampoo and it has changed my life (and the condition… Continue reading Calmer: My Day
They're not a good pair, are they? No, not at all. I remember feeling like I had the key to life. I remember feeling like I could trust people. I remember feeling excitement instead of fear when I thought about new relationships. But I don't feel like that anymore. I feel anxious about the future.… Continue reading Trauma and Motherhood
And that would be me. Not that anyone could tell I was a mother. But I've been hurting a lot lately... From now on, all quests for love are cancelled. From now on, expectations created by social media for myself can vanquish. From now on, comparing myself to everyone is a habit that can, quite… Continue reading For the mama crying on the bus.