My angel, my saving grace.
You drove me nuts today but you were equally sweet too.
I love you, Reuben Zachary.
I always dreamt about becoming a mother. Being pregnant terrified me every single day because I could not guarantee a happy ending, my breath was baited for 9 months straight. I would throw up clutching the bottom of my belly crying because I was scared the violent spasms would rip you away from me. I woke every hour to check on you when you were a new born, I didn’t need an alarm, I slept as close to the moses basket as I could so I check you were still breathing. I have always been a panicky mother, absolutely sure that if I took you for granted for just one second you’d be taken from me.
And now, you grow so big.
You’ve grown so fast.
Unrecognisable to the baby I saw when you were born.
But I never spoke about the pause between giving birth and your first cry. I think I pushed you out too fast and you were in shock. And I’ve seen the footage and actually heard what the midwives were saying. I couldn’t actually hear them in the moment for the endorphins rushing through my veins. For a moment, I thought you were gone. It seemed to take ages for you to cry.
And that cry just made my heart burst with love.
Every cry after just breaks my heart. Although you’ve got a new cry lately, and it’s fake and it’s hard not to laugh when you do it.
Luckily your developing mischievous behaviour is curbing my broodiness to give you a sibling. But I’d love to give you a sibling. You might have to settle for a dog though.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’re precious to me and despite my desire to get you into some proper routine and do things like the YouTube mommy vloggers do, all that really matters is that you are happy and I am sane.
With love, your Mummy♡